I STOPPED PRAYING.

I know you’ll see this and probably roll your eyes, wondering what Aayah is saying.

But it is what it is. The last time I made Du’a was January 3rd, the day I lost my dad.

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t stop making Du’a because I don’t believe in Allah anymore (Fal-ya’udhu billah) or because I have no requests. In fact, I have more than ever.

But I’ve just been overwhelmed, too overwhelmed to put my thoughts into words. All of my requests are stuck in my head.

The only thing I’ve been able to mutter for over a month is Rabbighfir lahu (O Allah, forgive him) prayer for my father. Other than that? I’ve been blank.

So, what exactly is the point of this?

Ramadan is coming, and I know many people look forward to it as a time to pour out their hearts in Du’a, to finally make all those compiled requests, hoping they’ll be granted.

I’ve been like that, too. But this year? I don’t even know if I’ll be able to.

So, this letter is for you; My fellow struggler. The one with so many requests but no words.

Here’s what has been comforting me: My Lord is Al-‘Aleem.

He knows exactly what I want.

He is aware of the thoughts in my head that are too heavy for my mouth to utter and too overwhelming for my hand to write.

He knows every request clogged up in my chest.

And if my Lord is aware of all these things, if He is in charge of my affairs, what more do I need?

So, to you, beloved slave of Ar-Rahman, struggling like me, I hope this message brings you comfort. I hope it makes you feel less guilty about your inability to put your prayers into words.

We will come out of this, better and stronger, bi’idhniLlah.

But until then, take solace in your Lord. He is All-Aware.

HasbiyAllah.

I just realized I didn’t do a check-in at the start of this letter. I’m not sure I want to. I’m not sure I can support or comfort you the way I usually would.

But regardless of how you’re feeling, I leave you in the care of Allah, in whose care nothing is ever lost.

Fee AmaniLlah.

See me when you see me.

Your Du’a Buddy,

Aayah.